Slow Train Coming

May 8, 2010

What never fails to amaze me is how I can go from 60 to 0.

Chemo #3 was on Tuesday. Put in an 8 hour day at work on Wednesday, slept for 13+ hours, put in a couple more hours on Thursday, and that was all she wrote.

It’s not just the fact that I’m out of gas physically. But my brain also feels like mud and, while yesterday as I was going to bed there were at least half a dozen really great (or at least reasonable) reasons to get up today, exactly NONE of them were compelling in the least today.

[Brain] “Yes, I know. It seemed like a good idea just a few hours ago. But now Tina, as you can see, it was just plain stupid of me, your brain, to think that getting up and sorting through all the mail you have collected on the patio table, desk, homework table, dining room table, kitchen countertop and bedside table was a good idea. Clearly, when considered side-by-side with the option of flipping the pillow under your head to the cool side and pulling the duvet over your shoulder, the wise choice is obvious. Now, be a good girl and don’t fight me on this.”

The good news is – me and my brain – we’ve been here and we’ve done this. I can lie here in bed, sluggish fingers on a keyboard, and both brain and I know that within 24 hours I’ll be sorting laundry – that within 48 hours I’ll be cleaning out the fridge and (at least) making a grocery list (and trying to talk someone into going to the grocery store) – that within 72 hours I might actually have a handle on the boys’ homework and study schedule – and that by next Friday night, Brain will be telling me – and I will nod in wholehearted agreement – to enjoy feeling good while I can, because the brakes will come slamming on again despite all efforts to keep the train, even slowly, rolling.

Choo, choo.



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